Newsletter 

Pr. Jon's December letter - - - - - - -

                                             “Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,                                                                     I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.”   Isaiah 41:10

On any given Sunday morning, I am blessed to look out upon a sea (sometimes just a puddle) of faces; faces of parishioners who have come together to worship. Yet, I not only see the faces of people, but I often see beyond those faces, the Sunday dress clothes, and the morning smiles and cheer to see people who are hiding a deep pain, and deep secret feelings.  I see faces that have suffered a recent loss or death.  I see faces of people who are struggling with various diseases and illnesses.  I see people struggling with the world they are living within, but have come together to worship.  And most of all, I see the same face that I look into many mornings in my bathroom mirror; a face of empathy and sometimes depression.

The latest research that I have seen has one in every five Americans experiencing a mental disorder in the past year, and over half of all Americans having those disorders at some time in their lives.  Seeing them in the pews is hard because I also know that there are many who are not in the pews, but stay home….. often alone.

As a church, the ELCA is one of many denominations who have a stigma of making mental disorder feel like something that is not allowed.  The shame it brings can cause people to not participate in worship, question their belief in God, and even move to possible harms to themselves or to others.  Though society is finally talking about mental illnesses, with some celebrities telling their stories of their struggles, it is hard to understand that a person is not alone in their struggle, and not the only one.

This past weekend, I spent some time with senior high youth of our Synod who put on a gathering for middle school youth.  They planned an overnight retreat with three main worship times, an engaging performer in AGAPE, and lots of fun time to build community with other youth from other churches who are building their own faith stories.  But one of the most moving things from the overnight was the testimonies that these high school youth shared with those 11-14 year olds.

One of them talked about the struggles with mental illness from one of her classmates.  This struggle moved from a struggle to a decision to end their life.  Her boldness to talk about it with those in attendance just brought forward the issue that seems to rear it’s ugly head more during the holiday season than any other time.  Not only is this a struggle for adults who are facing the daily grind of life, the stacks of bills that continue to come in, and the fear of what is going to happen tomorrow, but also is a struggle for our youth and teenagers.

I also know that many clergy are putting on a good facade to cover the deep pain they feel inside. I know these things because at times, I am one of those people. Over my many years on this earth, I have had episodes where I have struggled with the challenges of mental illness.  At one point, my mother even had me admitted to a psychiatric hospital over fears that I would harm myself or others.

It wasn’t until a Pastor in Texas helped me understand that this weird feeling, the feeling of not knowing what was going on inside my mind, was just a symptom of a disease that is treatable.  He suggested I seek out a therapist and/or spiritual director to help me sort through the personal and spiritual changes I was experiencing. This director helped me to understand and name some of the past things that were causing my anxiety.  Not only that, but helped me understand that this is not a “one-and-done” experience, but something that can come back at any time, with little warning. 

So, knowing that, I just try to remember a few things that I have learned from that therapist, my seminary training, and my own experiences:

1. I need to be flexible: When someone is struggling, I need to give space, but not ignore. Nobody can fix it in one night, but can be there to listen when it is needed.

2. I can help others understand the dynamics of depression. For example, I can help recognize what triggers a depressive cycle and possibly help implement actions to stop the downward spiral into the deep shadows. Using these prevention points can avoid the coming pain.

3. I am a caregiver, but I need to know my boundaries. I need to maintain my “separate self” and not just become a slave to depression. Yes, I do need to sacrifice and forgo some of my plans and commitments, but I will quickly burn out if I don't also care for myself.

4. Technology is a drug. It will try to rule my life the same as drugs or alcohol.

5. There is no golden answer waiting to be found in books or other literature. It is good to know the basics of depression, but you will not find a cure in a book for a disease that is so complex.

6. Change the subject if your loved one is cascading into the pit. Depressed people can easily get into a cycle where one negative thought breeds another negative thought, and they can't seem to stop the descent.

7. Try to maintain some level of social activity in which you can both participate, such as playing a board game or going for a walk. A depressed person will probably withdraw and avoid social situations. They need some “quiet time” and personal space, but that can quickly become brooding time that leads to another slide into the depths.

8. Do the best you can with what you've got. One cannot work miracles and we are not superman/superwoman. Not only am I not a superman, but God’s shoulders can handle it all.  Give it to God in prayer!

9. Share with family/friends about the situation so they can support you. If you don't tell people, they will not know. The best action they can take is prescribed in When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Kushner: listen and “be present” for the person in pain. After going through this, I realize how few people actually do that. One or two good friends/family members are invaluable to provide support to you.

10. Give it time.  Take one step at a time since nobody can control the journey in and out of depression.

I am one of the ½ of Americans who have struggled, and even am one of the 1/5 that have struggled this past year.  I have been one who is in the desert, like Moses and the Israelites, wondering why I left the pain of slavery to trudge through the bleak sand dunes with little food, no water, and little hope.  Yet it is when a person begins to live into their deserts, embrace them, and even befriend them, that God's presence is most often revealed. And when people with a mental illness are able to use their faith and spirituality as a source of healing and support, they discover a renewed sense of vision, hope and possibilities for the future.

Because no matter what you are going through, God is with you.  Not only is God with you, but God has taken the form of a human to trudge alongside you in the muck of society.  Feel God’s presence.  Talk with God.  Lean on God.  And lean into God’s community.

It took a 16-year-old from Belgrade, MN, to remind me of this. I hope you remember it during this time as well.

-   Pastor Jon Wendt